Funny Old World, — October 9, 2009 23:43 — 0 Comments

Ig Nobel Awards

This year’s Ig Nobel Prizes go to :


This particular ATM machine was stolen in a digger raid: someone took the notice literally!

Veterinary medicine: Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University, UK, for showing that cows with names give more milk than cows that are nameless.

Comment: Daisy – the most popular name – tops the list!

Peace: Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuehl of the University of Bern, Switzerland, for determining whether it is better to be smashed over the head with a full bottle of beer or with an empty bottle.

Comment: Makes more sense than giving the real prize to Obama – who continues to wage war on two fronts and has achieved no peace – anywhere – yet!

Biology: Fumiaki Taguchi, Song Guofu and Zhang Guanglei of Kitasato University Graduate School of Medical Sciences in Sagamihara, Japan, for demonstrating that kitchen refuse can be reduced more than 90% in mass by using bacteria extracted from the faeces of giant pandas.

Comment: Unfortunately giant pandas are almost extinct and their faeces correspondingly hard to find!

Medicine: Donald L Unger of Thousand Oaks, California, US, for investigating a possible cause of arthritis of the fingers, by diligently cracking the knuckles of his left hand but not his right hand every day for more than sixty years.

Comment: Prize for patience and perseverance goes to his long-suffering wife.

Economics: The directors, executives, and auditors of four Icelandic banks for demonstrating that tiny banks can be rapidly transformed into huge banks, and vice versa (and for demonstrating that similar things can be done to an entire national economy).

Comment: This is on top of the fortune in ‘bonuses’ they made off with.

Physics: Katherine K Whitcome of the University of Cincinnati, Daniel E Lieberman of Harvard University and Liza J Shapiro of the University of Texas, all in the US, for analytically determining why pregnant women do not tip over.

Comment: Answer? They wear flat-heeled shoes which compensates. They (and all adult fashion-struck women of the West) have acquired a haughty, backward-slanting gait which allows them not to tip over forwards.

Chemistry: Javier Morales, Miguel Apatiga and Victor M Castano of Universidad Nacional Autonoma in Mexico, for creating diamonds from tequila.

Comment: Is this a waste of good drink?

Literature: Ireland‘s police service for writing and presenting more than 50 traffic tickets to the most frequent driving offender in the country – Prawo Jazdy – whose name in Polish means "Driving Licence".

Comment: Lesson? If you are caught South of the border, give your name as Prawo Jazdy. They’ll be too embarrassed to prosecute you now after that!

Public Health: Elena N Bodnar, Raphael C Lee, and Sandra Marijan of Chicago, US, for inventing a bra that can be quickly converted into a pair of gas masks – one for the wearer and one to be given to a needy bystander.

Comment: ‘I’d sooner turn my face… ‘ well, never mind!

Mathematics: Gideon Gono, governor of Zimbabwe’s Reserve Bank, for giving people a simple, everyday way to cope with a wide range of numbers by having his bank print notes with denominations ranging from one cent to one hundred trillion dollars.

Comment: It costs a hundred Zimbabwean dollars to print the Zimbabwean one cent note!

 

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