Funny Old World, — November 7, 2009 9:54 — 0 Comments

Big Cuchullain’s Ball

BIG CUCHULLAINN’S BALL (Air: Phil the Fluter’s Ball)


Have you heard if young Cuchulainn, come from Cooley, County Louth?

A hound came boundin’ out at him – forgot to close her mouth,

He hit her with the sliotar, skipped a double jig an’ said:

"Boys, we’ll have to have a Ball, for I’m the doggie now instead."

 

Oh you bark in the dark, bare the teeth an’ growl an’ prowl about,

You sniff an’ do the dog-dance, a leg agin’ the wall. 

Scamper in an’ out, make a bow-wow to yowl about

The King an’ all his ladies laughed at big Cuchullainn’s Ball.

 

 In an’ out, turn about,

 You do the Hound of Ulster hokey-poke

You poke your nearest neighbour with a hurley – just a jokey poke

 The hound trot, the fox trot

 The wolf, you try them all

 Och, the ladies barked wi’ laughin’ at Cuchullainn’s Doggie Ball.

 

With his doggy duties done, our young Cuchullen joined the fights

In the loyal Armagh Lodge of great King Conor’s Red Branch Knights

A Scottish lady tutored him how to scatter, kick an’ brawl,

An’ with his weakness for the women he put on another Ball

 

Ring-a-ring around the lassies, do the Highlan’ Fling, have fun wi’ them

And "Emer, Aife, anyone, come flert with me?" says he.

In an’ out o’ bed he jumps an’ has a son with one o’ them,

"We’ll call him little Conla, sure he looks like you an’ me."

 

 In an’ out, turn about,

 You do the Hound of Ulster hokey-poke

You poke your nearest neighbour with a spear – explain it’s just a joke.

 Act tough, play it rough

 Watch the ladies fall

 In an’ out an’ out an’ in you go at big Cuchullainn’s Ball

 


Then across the plains of Leinster came a scheming Connaught Queen,

"I need," says she, "The Cooley Bull, to make me rule supreme."

Cuchullainn says, "Me mates are dazed, but I will take delight

To have a ball with all these Connaught boys for Ulster‘s right to fight."

 

 Oh, you kill them in the river, steppin’ in an’ steppin’ out again,

 Me single-handed reel, ‘ll make them fling an arm an’ flee,

 Ferdia’s a friend, stick a spear in him – an’ out again,

 We’ll call the place he falls lovely bloody oul’ Ardee.

 

 In an’ out, turn about,

 You do the Hound of Ulster hokey-poke

You poke your nearest neighbour with a hurley, then you choke the bloke

 Bully boys, drums an’ noise

 Batter kick an maul

Take a backward, forward, backward step at big Cuchullainn’s Ball

 

"No one never lives forever," says our dying hero, Cu.

"I’ll tie me till this pillar to improve my final view.

I’d like to see the gorey scene, the bloodshed, guts an’ all.

When the bulls come out to battle at this bloody Ulster ball."

 

Oh, butt your heads, do the bull dance to death aroun’ the pillar stone

Ulster will snort ‘n fight – an’ Ulster will be right.

Hail him for his legacy – this place is still a killer zone,

Dance to the tragedy, the comedy, the blight.

 

 In an’ out, turn about,

 You do the Hound of Ulster hokey-poke

 You poke your nearest neighbour with a spear an’ then you choke the bloke

 Bully boys, drums an’ noise

 Batter kick an maul

Oh, it’s back you step – the backward step – at big Cuchullainn’s Ball.

 

 

 

… more later …

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