Funny Old World, — April 24, 2010 19:46 — 0 Comments

Tory Cutbacks (future)

Houses of Parliament

WESTMINISTER

London

 

6.6. 2010 

 

Dear People of Great Britain,
 
Congratulations on your wise choice as your new Prime Minister. 

We politicians of the Conservative and Unionist New Team (CUNTs) have had a few weeks to analyse the true state of the economy we have inherited from New New Labour – and believe us, it is not a pretty sight! We are forced to introduce even more drastic cuts than previously imagined.

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your new Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of fifty years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
 
 Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to the government to be eligible also for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
 
 Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).  A person may be  RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
 
 Only persons who have been RAPEd can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).  Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.
 
 Persons who are not RAPEd and are staying on at their desks, factories or workshops will receive as much SHIT  (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.  The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out.  Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT,  please bring this to the attention of your local MP.  They have been trained to dish out to you all the SHIT you can handle.
 
 Sincerely,
 

Dave Cameron / Reg Empey
  

 

 [ CUNTs ]

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