Funny Old World Latest, — October 10, 2011 13:01 — 0 Comments

New jobs boost in pipeline …

Back in Merry Macs this morning for another shearing. Young guy in front of me. So I says to Paul McElherron, Mary Street barber:

 




 The Bonzo Dawg Doo Dah Band …  words below …

‘Mind if I use your rest room?’

‘Funny you should ask that!’ quips yer man.

‘Listen Paul: could the story wait a while? This is a bit of an emergency!’

Off I dash. He’s reading a stop-watch when I emerge.

‘What’s with the clock?’ I enquire.

‘Well,I was trying to tell you. They’re charging me by the t**d!’

‘You’ve been listening! Counting the plops? Timing me?’

‘Have to. Here, look at that bill!’

I did. Northern Ireland Water. Over-consumption of sewage. Surcharge. 

I kid you not. 

‘You know, the current minister in charge – and the previous one – come from our area. In fact Kennedy and Murphy both live within a mile or two of me.

They’re charging me for defecating! Would you believe it!

And the s**t they’ve been spewing in our Council chamber – and out of it – this twenty years and more!’

‘But they allege you’ve been consuming this sewage Paul! What’s that about?’

‘Show me that bill again?! Yeah!’ He fell silent a moment.

‘There’s a meter in the pathway outside. 

Talking of the public path. Have you seen the potholes in it? Must be five generations since any work was done on that!’

It was a wet morning and my shoes and trousers legs were wringing.  To make it worse, Jonny-Go-Slap (with the two legs different lengths and the two feet different sizes) passed me going the other way: SLAP – and there wasn’t a dry stitch left on me!   Some mornings are just like that!

‘Anyway, I’m just trying to work out how much you owe me …. ‘

His eyes twinkled. Where would you get such craic?

I was wondering, when they finally get to metering our domestic supplies (soon, I expect) who’s going to be employed as a s**t-counter?


 All together now …


… you know the tune …

 

‘My father’s a Council s**t counter,

 

He works there by day and by night,

 

And when he comes home in the evening,

 

He’s covered all over in …

 

Sh .. Sh … Sh …

 

Shine up your buttons with Brasso

 

Shine up your buttons with Vim

 

Shine up your buttons with Brasso

 

It’s only three ha’pence a tin.

 

… end …

 

 

 

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