as such, ought possibly to have declared an interest as the land is their property. Still no one complained. The parkland is rarely utilised because of its unfavourable topology.

‘Ironically, that’s one of the chief benefits’, he raved.

‘We are building our own Via Doloroso on disused land very reminiscent of the original which also overlooks an historic city - as ours is!’

Well, four years, I thought is hardly historic, and I raised my b******t deflectors.

‘At strategic points along the way we will have groups of crying women and cloths for wiping sweaty faces – as in the original. Every punter (pilgrim, we will call them) must carry his own cross up and down the hill. There will be an Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane, a virtual reality Scourging at the Pillar, a Crowning with Thorns. Once a year we plan to have an actual Crucifixion! 

I know this sounds unlikely – but there are villages in South America where this happens all the time – with no shortage of volunteers to play the part of crucified! Remember that in the early Church many saints were self-flaggellists. 

Already one Republican dissident group has offered up an individual to play the part of the Good Thief and the Loyalist Political Action Group is searching for a suitable candidate for Bad Thief.  We understand this search has caused its own Flight from North Belfast!

So it’s a cross-community project and should qualify for all the grants!

---

We’ve had a few nominations of individuals for the central role

– but it’s a volunteer, not a nomination we are seeking!

Finance is a problem but because of the universally-acceptable theme, we expect to be able to persuade one million Christians to invest £100 each in this worthy project. That will cover most of the costs, in addition most of the consultants’ fees!’

He was waxing lyrical by this time.

‘With any money left over, we will diversify into further Biblical Theme areas such as a virtual-reality flight from Egypt. Fireworks will unexpectedly explode along the way, to give the impression of incoming Katuscha rockets, just as in the Middle East’s Holy Land!

There’s a disused quarry area up there where we could manacle an ageing lion and do a take on Daniel in the Lion’s Den. We will install a helical water-slide from the top down to the Nursery Road below and call it the Tower of Babel!’

He was sweating profusely now and his tone had risen several decibels.

At this point I noticed two men in white coats, carrying a back-to-front jacket with thick leather straps, lurking at the edge of the crowd, so I beat a hasty retreat.

‘That’s the wisest man on that Council,’ muttered a bystander, as I left.

There were mutters of agreement.

I didn’t doubt it.

But I was less than convinced either of his wisdom or indeed, of his sanity.