I read in the trivia pages of a national newspaper lately of a device patented by a New York company that is sure to attract the keen attention of our Newry and Mourne Council Directors – not to mention many another administrative body in these parts!

It’s a small wooden device that ‘business managers’ may present to their employees whom they wish to encourage in their endeavours.   ‘The Congratulator’ takes the form of a clip attached to an articulated wooden hand.

Employees lucky enough to be awarded this prize, clip the contraption to their shoulder and, by pulling the string, can pat themselves on the back. 

Alternatively they could be offered an introduction to our local newspapers’ CEOs and editors, men ever willing to publish in their pages any self-penned eulogies to the same effect!  The latter must be accompanied by their own ‘artwork’; i.e. photo-opportunity pictures of successful ‘graduates’ of some nonentity course; scowling Councillors pointing to offending pot-holes in some country track etc.

Meanwhile among their own, these people are far more interested in mutual back-scratching devices. To this end, I offer my own solution pictured here! This particular model, you will note, is for the benefit of our Ulster-Scots community.

I am currently designing a special Bertie version – along the lines of “loans are forever” and “insert a coin and I will speak”. 

Any further ideas would be very welcome!

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