The local man was on the Cullaville Road in Crossmaglen when he was approached by an American tourist.

"Excuse me, sir", said the latter, "But could you tell me the fastest way to Newry?"

"Are ye walking or goin’ be car?" the other asked.

"Oh, I have my own car", the Yankee answered.

"Well then," said he, "That’d be the fastest way."

He had scarcely moved off when a cyclist stopped (overrun by tourists, we are lately).

"Excuse me, sir, but am I on the right road for Cullaville?"

"Ye are," the local grunted, and turned away, for he was getting tired of it.

The cyclist re-mounted his machine and was proceeding, when he added,

"But you’re going the wrong way."

*******************

After applying their lipstick in the school lavatory a number of girls would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little prints. They weren’t easy to remove and the caretaker was vexed. The Headmistress decided on action. She called the girls to the toilets and explained. Then she asked the caretaker to demonstrate how hard it was the remove the lipstick. He took a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the lavatory and swabbed the glass.

Since then there have been no more lip prints.

---