This story was told to me by a ‘friend’ who is rather lewd in her tastes and rude in her expression. She laughed uproariously at what she clearly thought was a hilarious situation she recently found herself in, but I’m afraid I don’t get the joke. Can you explain it to an innocent lass who has led a rather sheltered existence.

This friend explained that she was driving home rather fast on the M1 after having spent an exhilarating weekend with some boyfriend (Ahemmm!). Paradoxically she claimed to have another friend in the car at the time, with whom she was ‘toying’ and she mentioned that he was ‘buzzing’, whatever that means.  She referred to him variously as ‘Roger’ or ‘Rampant’ Rabbitte.  

Suddenly a pursuing traffic cop motioned her to draw into the verge, which she did. 

The policeman asked her to step out of the car and she said that, for personal reasons, she could not comply. He threatened to ‘do her on the spot’. These words, she added, caused her heart to skip and her eyes to glaze over. Anyway she stepped out and Rabbitte clattered to the road too. 

In the end, the cop ‘gave her the bird’, she claimed - the bird pictured above.

What on earth could all this mean? 

What’s all this about rabbits and birds?

Yours truly,

Jill Doe.

Dear Jill,

One would imagine with your name, you might have been able to work this one out. 

In your case I must acknowledge that ignorance is probably bliss. Forget it all.

By the way that lovely sea bird frequents remote islands around Britain. I leave you to find out its name for yourself.

Agnes