::: Newry Journal ::: - Agnes on 'Expenses'

we the undersigned request – no, indeed! DEMAND – that you use your influence with the powers-that-be at his former organ to have these ludicrous newspaper revelations gagged immediately.

Indeed we agree with Speaker Martin that the leaker should be identified immediately and strung up on Tyburn Hill.

We are the people too, as you know. We would not be ‘people like us’ if we did not have our servants, our swimming-pools, our third homes etc. and we expect the taxpayer is happy to maintain us in the style that keeps us above them in every respect. We accept that some expenses – like that fool’s dog-food, the other guy’s dirty movies and the Lord’s chandeliers – are indeed stretching it a little, but no one – not a single one – broke the rules that we established for ourselves, so where’s the harm?

OK there are five so-called MPs who never sat a day in the House yet insist they have legitimate parliamentary business here – enough to warrant three flats costing the British taxpayer some £5000 a month each in rent : but those guys don’t recognise the legitimacy of Parliament anyway. This is just their ‘Peace Dividend’ that they spoke so much about. Peace has its price, as you know.

We fear that Wednesday’s revelations will pick on the loyal sons of Ulster who have done so much to keep the British Flag flying in their neck of the woods. Indeed the Unionists among us would own up immediately but we don’t want to be too precipitate and own up to something they may not have found out yet, do we?

Expecting you will do your best for us.

Sincerely

The Swish Family Robinson

Gerry Peacemaker

Peaca Pie

Mybitathe Cherry

Gravy Trainor

Barbara Brown (no relation of she of the Irish name!)

Con Themall

Parsley Sauce

Luke Junkett

Agnes answers …