It is understood that the Inland Revenue, having heard of the success of a similar scheme in southern India, is considering hiring the services of the Altnaveigh Pipe and Drum Band to persuade tax-defaulters to pony up.

The taxman there has hired groups of up to 20 drummers to thunder non-stop outside the homes of tax-defaulters until they pay their dues.  Some 20% of outstanding debts were cleared up within a week of the scheme’s introduction. 

‘We’d go aisy on them to start with,’ suggested Altnaveigh’s spokesman David Hanna. 

‘A couple of snare drums only. 

If they don’t quickly agree to pay up, we’d introduce the Lambeg to them. 

That should do it.

As a last resort, we’d blast them with the bagpipes. 

Never known to fail!!’

Patsy Quinn up in Ardfreelin objected.

‘This is another example of discrimination against our culture. 

Anybody’ll tell you the most annoying drumming noise comes from the bodran. 

Not only do I play them, I make them. 

I’d be prepared to come out of retirement for this noble cause!’

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