Month: January 2005

Wren Boys and Mummers

by
duffnersfamily50s.jpg

We’d cover a townland a night, maybe thirty or forty houses.

 The word would go round.  They’d be watching you (expecting).  We’d get a couple of bob a house.  It was all walking – no bicycles!  The craic on the road would be good.  And we’d have our own music from the musicians.  

 

The money was all put together and went to host the Mummers Dance.  The Mummers themselves, the players, would get two or three bottles free at the dance.  Nobody paid in. 

 

You’d know your own rhyme but you’d pick up the others from listening to them.

 

Here comes I Doctor Brown

I’m the best wee doctor in the town

I cud cure all diseases that ever come out

The Hurdy-Gurdy and the Gout

I cud cure an oul’ woman wit’ her teeth hanging out

And if you don’t believe what I say

Here comes …. And he’ll clear the way.

 

Here comes I Diddley Doubt

The tail of me shirt is hanging out

I cud ate a pudding, I cud ate a pan

If I don’t get something I’ll ate a man

And if you…

 

Here comes I, the Last of the Lot

I hope these wee fellas will not be forgot

We’ll have bottles of whiskey and barrels of beer

And we wish yous all a Happy Christmas

And a bright New Year.

 

Then the music ‘ud start, maybe an oul’ waltz.  We’d pair off and dance around the kitchen floor.  When we reached the dur, we’d dance out.  Then it was the next pair.

 

‘I played Wee Dibbley Doubt,’ Peter McKeown of Dungooley explained.  Though in his late eighties now he spoke easily of his mother and father as would one still in his youth.  
 
‘There was nine or ten of us walking the roads. We’d be dressed in whatever garb we could find, hitched with straw ropes round the middle.  If your face wasn’t blackened, you’d wear a false face.  Sure I did it for years in me own house and devil the one knowed me.  There was one time mammy had three cakes of bread cooling on the dresser.  I lifted one and shoved it under me clothing. 
 
Man, we had the grand feast down at the crossroads, and it still war-um!
 
I didn’t steal off none but me own, mind ye!
 
Then we might go into Cross(maglen) [about five-six miles away].  Takings was better there with more houses to visit.  We might get

People as Hares

by
Hare.jpg
There was people cud take on the shape of a hare, if they wanted, and race through the fields and steal the milk of other peoples’ cows. 
 
There was a keen huntsman here once who never tired of hunting a certain hare.  This wus despite people warnin’ him to lave well enough alone!  However he raced the hare far off its pad one Sunday morning and when the dogs turned it towards the mountain he followed after.  When he finally caught up the dogs were gathered eagerly round a big stone.  He wus surprised for hares don’t take refuge under stones.  He looked and saw the hare sitting calmly inside.  He made a quick grab at her – and even as he did, he wondered why the dogs hadn’t scraped and hoked to get at her.  Just at that the stone rolled over, trapping him by the arm!
 
After some time people spread the news that he was missing.  Parties searched in vain for him.  All the dogs except one returned.  It was the only dog, the rest being bitches.  They will tell you that  a bitch will turn on you if it meets a ghost or unearthly thing but a terrier dog will valiantly defend its master. 
 
The man was missing for a week.  Now and then the dog appeared at the houses snatching up trifles of food before disappearing again.  Then some one deliberately threw it a large, hard loaf that was difficult for it to carry.  The people could follow it, that way!  They found him still trapped under that stone and released him.
 
I tell you, he never again chased that particular hare! 

Biddable Daughter

by
donkeycart.jpg
It was this old gentleman farmer and he had three daughters.  The two eldest were good working girls but the youngest one would do nothing.  Everything had to be done for her.

 
 
So the father said he would give a hundred pounds to anyone who would marry either of the other two, but two hundred pounds to the man that would marry the youngest and lazy one.  He had no fears to get rid of the other two – and he was right, for they were soon gone – but he was of the opinion that no one would take the lazy one, despite the two hundred pounds.  He thought never to get rid of her.
 
But there was this fella anyway that was down in money and he said to himself if he took this one on, with the two hundred of money, he’d be right again and he’d soon put her right of her ways too!
 
Well he took her and they got married.  He bought a horse and cart with the money and settled to the farm but it was little change he could get out of the woman.  It was just his bad luck that it was an old rusty horse he’d bought too.
 
Now the father invited the three sons-in-law back to his home place after a month, for that was the custom in them days – to find out how they were turning till the married state.
 
On the road to the father’s place didn’t the oul horse rust in the trap and refuse to move another step. 
 
‘If I have to order ye again, ye’re for it!’ he warned.
 
Still the horse wouldn’t move.  He stepped out of the trap, pulled a pistol from his coat and shot it dead on the spot.
 
‘Now’, he said to his wife, ‘I want you to unharness the dead horse and pull him to the ditch at the side of the road!’
 
‘But…’ she protested.
 
‘If I have to order ye again, ye’re for it!’ he warned.
 
She jumped to it.  Then he ordered her to stand between the shafts and draw the cart and him to the father’s yard.
 
 
At the house, the three sisters were sent to the low room to play cards while the menfolk were talking the important business.  The oul’ fella went on about testing the women to see who was the most biddable.
 
‘I’m giving fifty pounds to whichever one of yous has the most biddable woman.’
 
‘Well, shure I have surely, and all knows it!’ said the first.
 
‘Call her!’ orders the father.
 
‘You’re a wanted up here, Bridget,’ the husband cried.
 
‘Sure,’ she answered, ‘as soon as I have this hand played’.
 
The second husband boasted his woman was the most biddable.
 
‘Call her!’ orders the father.
 
‘You’re a wanted up here, Mary’, the husband cried.
 
‘I’m dealing the cards,’ she answered.  ‘I’ll be up in a minute!’
 
The husband of the lazy woman said his woman now was the most biddable.
 
‘Prove it!’ challenged the old man.
 
‘Ann!’ he roared, at the top of his voice.
 
‘If I have to order ye again up here, ye’re for it!’
 
Begab, no sooner were the words outa he’s mouth nor she appeared at the door with staring eyes and frothin’ mouth!
 
He won the fifty pounds.
 

Fumbling Robbers

by
Marty Bogroll
The restaurant clientele was naturally fearful and concerned when three armed and masked men appeared at the door, intent on robbery.  When the robbers failed to gain entry, people inside became puzzled.


  Customers had entered easily. The large notice said [SLIDE] so they simply slid the reinforced glass door to one side.   These guys tried pushing – then pulling.  Then they put their collective shoulders to the door.  

Read moreFumbling Robbers