Tourist Information, — October 17, 2009 13:38 — 0 Comments

Good Morning, tourists …

‘Good morning, tourists. Thank you for visiting our wonderful country.

Political information has not been included in your brochures so here to help you understand us better is a special guided tour of Irish politics.

Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland –

not the Irish mainland, the British mainland.

(Look, if you wanted a region where politics are easier to understand, you should have gone to the Balkans.  Now pay attention.)

The capital of Ireland is Dublin.  It has a population of in excess of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland. 

Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be part of Ireland – but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK.  We have our Northern politicians – especially the ex-terrorists among them – to thank for that!

Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the South.


(Those who cannot follow this might like to go off to the Giant’s Causeway instead. You cannot miss it – it is near a car park and has no Interpretative Centre. Look out for funny shaped rocks.)

There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the D

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