Agony Aunt, — January 24, 2010 14:43 — 0 Comments

What to do with young Eric?

Dear Agnes


I am at my wit’s end and I feel I must pour my heart out to you.

The b*****d who stole my youth and left me with four of his brats to rear, never once produced a penny to support me or them. I haven’t heard from him in years but I am reliably informed that he repeated the abuse many times over and the country is littered with his illegitimate children.


Jonny our eldest is in jail for illegal drugs offences.


Mary, the second, is on the game and has recently contracted HIV.


Stephen, until recently my pride and joy, joined the priesthood but is now suspended and under investigation for alleged sexual molestation of children.


The youngest is a fanatical supporter of Newry City F.C.


Is there any hope at all for young Eric ?


Yours sincerely


Iris Robbedafsons



Dear Iris


There is no way you can blame the b*****d for your Eric’s lack of taste!


Sure he wasn’t around to see him grow up.


And why are they all brats? Who made them like that?


You’re the best argument I ever heard, Iris, for compulsory sterilisation in puberty of the totally incompetent.


Hope this helps!


Yours truly,




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