Tagged: Pozycjonowanie Settle Beds
July 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm #4071
Two old women met for the first time in years. The conversation went as follows:
‘Mary, God it’s good to see you. I thought your were dead.’
‘Well why didn’t you come to my funeral?’
‘Sorry I was sick and did not find out till a month later.’
‘Well I did not see you at my months mind. Oh sorry you were sick. I am sorry I did not go to see you in hospital but I was dead.’
‘That’s ok. Got to go now. Keep in touch and let me know when you die so I can get to your funeral.’July 1, 2012 at 9:46 pm #4073armagh activeParticipant
biggest joke of the year.
I.m a fan so what does that make me>>>>>>>>July 5, 2012 at 10:28 am #4102
I used to work for the Samaritans and rang in sick one day. They talked me out of it!July 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm #4137
A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy
about having to sell condoms to the public.
The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she
would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.
“Look,” he said. “My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they’ll
ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large].
The word condom wont even be used.
The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the
shop, put out his hand and said “350”..
The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of
“Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his
legs” her boss told her.
She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between
his legs. “Yes “!!!! she said ” He’s got one hanging there”….!
The boss said “Go back in and give him £3-50………………….He’s
the Window cleaner”!!!!!!!July 14, 2012 at 9:56 am #4155PictionaryParticipant
Daddy, daddy… Why is it that everyone calls me stupid?
– I don’t know kid; I am not your daddy.July 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm #4172
A couple were getting fed up with the barking of the dog next door. It went on for days and even when they went to complain there was still no respite. The husband decided to take the law into his own hands. The wife watched as he stormed out of the house and then she heard the barking getting closer and closer. The husband came in and the wife asked him what he had done. He replied ‘ I have tethered him in our garden. Now see how they like it!!!!!’July 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm #4175PictionaryParticipant
This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man’s driver’s license, he said, “You’re wearing glasses on your ID and you’re not now. I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
The guy said, “Officer, I have contacts.”
The cop said, “Look, buddy, I don’t care who you know, … I’m giving you a ticket.”July 16, 2012 at 10:48 pm #4180
A prisoner in a Dublin court to the justice; I was sober enough to know I was drunk.July 19, 2012 at 11:11 am #4204
I came home from work today and the wife wasn’t there. She left a note on the TV, ‘It is not working. I am leaving.’ Well I switched it on and it worked at once.Stupid woman.July 19, 2012 at 10:58 pm #4210
From the” Newry Telegraph,”When they stood up to sing, there was not an empty seat in the house.July 24, 2012 at 8:06 pm #4235
The reason why my father was poor, he was a blacksmith in a one horse town.July 26, 2012 at 1:25 pm #4249
Talking to a friend of mine who was down in the dumps.
‘Why the long face?’
‘I lost my job last night.’
‘What happened, old friend?’
‘ Well I was in the pub at closing time and the barman was shouting ‘Have you no homes to go to!’ I left and went to work and when I went in I shouted the same thing and they fired me.’
‘That’s terrible. What were you working at?’
‘In a Salvation Army hostel.’July 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm #4266
Jack, my wifes an angel. Mick, your lucky mines still alive.August 11, 2012 at 11:12 pm #4354
A man writing a leter of condolence to the widow of a late colleague said, I cannot tell you how sorry I was to hear that your husband has gone to heaven. We were great friends and it sad to think that we will never meet again.August 23, 2012 at 11:16 am #4448
I went to the doctor and complained to him that I was deaf in my left ear.
He looked into it and said ‘Do you know you have a suppository in your ear?’
I thought ‘Now I know where I put my hearing-aid.’
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