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This topic contains 149 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Pictionary 5 years, 2 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 149 total)
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  • #4454

    Pictionary
    Participant

    Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
    A. Dam!

    #4461

    oak tree
    Participant

    Spotted outside a rural cinema, “Love is a many splendoured thing”.For three days only.

    #4552

    the watcher
    Participant

    This is a true story.
    Two old friends in a pub, where I go ‘sometimes’, were having a bit of an argument
    One shouted.’ I have medals for boxing, you know’.
    The other retorted, ‘Well I have summons for fighting.’
    Argument ended in laughter.

    #4565

    Pictionary
    Participant

    An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,
    “No way, buddy, you’re too drunk.”
    A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, “Give me a drink,” and the bartender says, “No, man, I told you last time — you’re too drunk”
    Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, “You’re too drunk”
    The drunk scratches his head and says “Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing.”

    #4571

    Pictionary
    Participant

    Did you ever notice that musicians play and doctors practice but the rest of us work for a living!
    Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    #4595

    oak tree
    Participant

    A Dublin firm sent the following letter to customers whose accounts were overdue; Man is dust. Dust settles. Be a man.

    #4602

    Pictionary
    Participant

    When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother’s grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, “Why did you die? Why did you die?” Over and over again.
    Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. “Why did you die? Why did you die?” bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him, “My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?”
    “No,” sniffled the man, “It’s my wife’s first husband.”

    #4614

    oak tree
    Participant

    A county Cork farmer came in to give instructions for his will, and after a long discussion the solicitor said, “Thats all right. You leave it all to me”. “God I suppose i’d better”, said the farmer,”for one way are another you’ll probably get it anyway”

    #4616

    Pictionary
    Participant

    A policeman brought four boys before a judge. 
    “They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor,” he said.
    “Boys,” said the judge sternly, “I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. 
    Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong.”
    “My name is George,” said the first boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
    “My name is Pete,” said the second boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
    “My name is Mike,” said the third boy, “and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen.”
    “My name is Peanuts,” said the fourth boy.

    #4643

    oak tree
    Participant

    Fans comment on referee; he wouldn’t  see a foul in a hen house.

    #4681

    Pictionary
    Participant

    The following 3 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country. 1 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

    2 “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

    3 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

    #4690

    oak tree
    Participant

    A man charged in court with stealing a hay fork was told  that  the prosecution could produce two witnesses who saw him do it. He replied; Well I can find a dozen who didn’t.

    #4720

    the watcher
    Participant

     

    Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. 

    This year, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. 

    Bitterly disappointed he phones and tells the others that he can’t go.

    Two days later, the other guys get to the camping site only to find Ron 
    sitting there with a tent already set up. 

    “Dang Ron, how did you talk your missus into letting you go?”

    “Well, yesterday evening, after my wife finished reading “Fifty Shades 
    Of Gray,” she dragged me into our bedroom, on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! 

    She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did. 

    Then she said, “Do whatever you want.”

    So, here I am !!!

    #4723

    Pictionary
    Participant

    A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”
    “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
    “Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”
    Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

    #4733

    the watcher
    Participant

    He, in night club ‘Hi would you like to come home and go to bed with me?’

    She , in same night club ‘I beg your pardon! I don’t go to bed with any man who asks me.’

    He ‘ Neither do I. So what about it?’

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