Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
> elderly widow
> and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’
> ’98,’ she replied: ‘Two years older than me’ .
> ‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
> She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’
> I’ve sure gotten old!
> I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
> new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes,
> I’m half blind, I can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
> I take 40 different medications that
> make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
> I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation;
> I hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
> I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
> I have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
> I still have my driver’s license …….
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof — the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy picked up her wand and poof — the husband was 90.
One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: ‘does your dog bite?’ the old man replies ‘No never’. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says ‘I thought you said your dog did not bite! ‘I did’ replies the old man, but this isn’t my dog!’