Jokes

John McCullagh October 9, 2003

< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />  ‘It may well be that there is nothing in standing orders specifically forbidding knitting during debates,’ Opposition Leader Bill English told the New Zealand Parliament in < ?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Wellington.    ‘But a Minister knitting baby bootees while presiding over her […]

John McCullagh October 9, 2003

The poacher was stopped by the warden with two buckets of fish. He was asked for his fishing licence. "You don’t understand," said the man. "These are my pets."

John McCullagh October 2, 2003

We’ve all got so much older and wiser in recent years that it has become difficult to impress us with new technology. Yet I have a tale to tell in this vein. As this story concerns two men who are sadly deceased, but one who is very much alive and who might take umbrage, I […]

John McCullagh October 2, 2003

He is everywhere, the teller of tall tales.  Some are interesting for their inventiveness.  Some merely boring as they relate their teller’s single-handed exploits.  One Newry man who served in Korea – Joe by name, but I’ll not tell you his surname for he’d torture me – never tires of telling how he defeated that […]

John McCullagh September 23, 2003

  I confess to scepticism over the need for these Assertiveness Courses.   [I assume you heard of the two nuns leaving the college? One turned to the other and remarked, ‘Mother Superior, aren’t these Self Assertion Classes just f***ing  great?’].     

John McCullagh September 14, 2003

 Fun Corner Hidden in the bureaucratic gobbledygook below are common proverbs and expressions. The answers will be provided at the next updating of Newry Journal contents! Scintillate, scintillate, minor asteroid Neophyte’s serendipity Members of an avian species of similar plumage congregate en masse Surveillance should precede saltation Pulchritude possesses merely cutaneous profundity Do not become […]

John McCullagh September 1, 2003

Reasoning 1: Answers< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />   1          D         The two sentences here assume that concentrated study is a sufficient (as well as being a necessary) condition for academic success.   2          D         Try this yourself using an empty cereal packet and a < ?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = […]