'The Viagra company seemed pleased enough with this photo I sent,' he began enigmatically. 'They enquired whether this was the full extent. They had concerns about breadth of exposure. 'In advertising, exposure is vital', they said. I had my own concerns over exposure, but I kept them to myself.' I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. Why do they all do this to me? 'Why don't you start at the beginning', I suggested helpfully. He complied. 'Tattoos are a good way of promoting your message. It's the shock value', he said. THAT I understood! 'I started a company selling advertising space on my own skin. I use eBay. Just last week a US company paid me $500 to have popapill.com tattooed on my left shoulder. I come to an agreement to wear minimal clothing at all times. Even that wasn't enough for these latest guys. Why not join a Nature Club? they urged. If you're interested, I still have space on part of my back, chest and left leg.' But I'd heard enough and was already turning away. He was waving the photo after me. 'This could be the next big thing in advertising!' he concluded. I believe he was wiping red smears from that photo as I climbed back into my car.