John McCullagh October 9, 2003
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During the War (WW2) three ‘working girls’ from Hull were short of customers – what with all the young men being away in Europe – so they combined their resources and opened a fish & chip shop.  All went well until the German blitz began and their fish store received a direct hit.  In explanation, they erected a sign in the window:

 

FOR SOME TIME, FISH WILL BE LITTLER – BLAME MR HITLER !

 

Things began to pick up, when unfortunately they were hit again, this time the potato shed receiving the brunt.  A new sign went up:

 

FOR A WHILE, CHIPS WILL BE SIMILIAR – BLAME MR HIMMLER !

 

The third bolt from the blue (literally) demolished the fish & chip shop entirely.  The sign then read:

 

GONE BACK TO WHORING – BLAME MR GOERING !

 

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Linda Robson, actress from Birds of a Feather was recently the victim of a mugging at her home in London.  As she stepped into the street from her front door, a boy on a mountain bike struck her on the face and snatched the bag she was carrying.

 

‘He may be in for a surprise’, she explained.  ‘I had just cleaned up after my new puppy that is not yet house-trained.  I was about to dispose of the bag in a skip outside my home’.

 

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The teacher was reported to government authorities for cruelty.  The Moroccan official was less than sympathetic towards the moaning parents or the little delinquents. 

 

‘She warned the boys she would throw them out of the window if they were not quiet.

 

They did not listen.  They should have listened.’

 

Ah, the good old days!

 

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You have seen your own favourite examples of Lonely Hearts ads in newspapers.  There are almost half a million lonely German farm workers.  An internet dating service (www.landflirt.de) has adverts tailored to their needs.  One ad makes clear their need:

‘Wanted: young woman who likes early mornings, inclement weather and the smell of animal waste products.’ 

 

It seems to work.  The man who placed this ad said,

‘I’ve found the woman of my life’.

 

Then there is this one taken from a provincial Irish newspaper.

 

‘Teacher, single, male, mid-forties, tall, attractive, own home, seeks lady teacher, ex-religious (Mercy), 36-44 years.  Confidential.’

 

Well, I suppose if you know exactly what you want, you should go for it!

 

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As you’re reading this from the Internet, you’ve probably heard about eBay, the internet auction site where almost everything is on offer.  Try it.  If the seller uses the site often, he/she has been given a rating, which is something to go by.

 

Anyway a Russian buyer has bid

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