John McCullagh September 2, 2004
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‘How can one disturb the peace of the dead?  The charge is ridiculous as is the sentence.  I am innocent!
 
‘In any case, what did they expect?  This is Transylvania, after all, home of Dracula, no less!’ This was Marina Tecoeur’s only reply when she was found guilty by the court in Romania.  Her husband Boeuf was more forthcoming.
 
‘There is no law against it.  How can you be guilty of an offence that isn’t even on the statute books? 
 
If the State is right, it doesn’t matter for Toma was already dead when we dug him up and re-killed him. 
 
If we are right and we destroyed a vampire, then we have saved thousands of lives for ages to come.  It’s because he was our son-in-law that we know of his nefarious deeds.  Everyone in the world knows that vampires originated here and they are still here in numbers. 
 
We deserve a state pension for this deed!
 
On the night after he was entombed, we opened the casket, ripped his heart out, burned it to ashes, mixed it with water and drank it.  That is the time-honoured way in this valley to deal with vampires.  It’s not nice and he tasted awful but there was no alternative.
 
They charged us both with disturbing the peace of the dead, and we got three years imprisonment.  This travesty of justice will rouse the local people here to fury.  They know we are heroes.’
 
‘There’s far too much of this sort of thing going on,’ commented police chief Constantin Van Ripponof, ‘and we have to put a stop to it.’
 
I noticed however that he had a large wooden cross hanging from a chain around his neck.  And his breath had a heavy smell of garlic.  Whether he was just after a meal, or adopting the ‘belt-and-braces’ policy, I’ll never know.  Anyway when I felt Marina and Boeuf were taking an unhealthy interest in me I made my excuses and left.

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