John McCullagh November 29, 2004
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Dear Agnes,
 
I think I’ve finally got your measure and that’s the reason I’m seeking your support and advice.
 
Don’t you just wholeheartedly agree with the Government Report of last week that our people are much too self-indulgent?  Our nation is frankly obese with over-eating; spaced-out on banned drugs; permanently drunk with bingeing on alcohol; rampant with sexually-transmitted diseases; and determined to infect us innocents with their carcinogenic secondary smoke from their endless chain-smoking in public arenas. 
 
It is good that H.M. Government has finally woken up.  But we would like your aid too.
 
I am the Secretary of the newly-formed CHASTE group (Catholic Heroines Against Sex, Tippling and Excess).  We hold our weekly meeting in our local Church Hall, where we light candles for the depraved and burn incense to exorcise evil spirits. 
 
Then we pray for all lost souls.  Wouldn’t you like to join us?
 
Yours truly,
 
Winifred Snow.
………..
 
 
Dear Winnie,
 
B——- Off, you whining, whinnying weasel.
 
Come anywhere near Newry Journal again, and you will be CHASTE!
 

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