John McCullagh December 2, 2004
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Dear Agnes,
 
I was walking briskly in the stream of Christmas shoppers along Hill Street the other day when suddenly the single mother in front pushing her mewling, grotesque baby in its pram stopped sharply without indication or warning. 

I was uncontrollably propelled forward, colliding with the buggy and sustained an abrasion to my ankle.

 
I am writing to enquire whether you can offer any indication of what fair level of compensation I might claim for physical injury and the emotional trauma I have suffered, before I make my way to a reputable solicitor.
 
Yours truly
 
Liam Stroiller
 


Dear Liam,
 
Your letter leaves me puzzled! 
 
Was the young lady in question wearing a label saying ‘Single Mother’?  Otherwise how did you know she was?  How does a baby mewl?  What characterises a ‘grotesque’ baby?
 
Did you think they all should have been equipped with flashing indicator lights, or braking and/or hazard warning lights? 
 
By the way, what IS a reputable solicitor?  (Perhaps I should submit this to the Editor as an oxymoron?)
 
Are you, by any chance, a product of the Government’s ‘Care in the Community’ mental health programme? 
 
Did you forget to take your pills? 
 
Please include your full address when replying so I’ll know which end of town to avoid in future.
 
Yours insincerely
 
(Agony) Agnes Dayee
 

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