John McCullagh January 8, 2012
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Mr E Scrooge
Usury Bank
Hill Street
NEWRY
7.1.2012

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for causing my cheque …


… with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month, to ‘bounce’ by refusing timely payment of it.  Mr Cooper Pype was less than impressed and, even as I type I am up to my oxters [and rising] in freezing cold water!

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque for payment and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.  The funds to which I refer, of course, entail the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eighteen years – and therefore news of that arrangement may not as yet have reached your desk.

You are nevertheless to be admired for the alacrity with which you steadfastly seized that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account … (continues … ) …

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