Fumbling Robbers

The restaurant clientele was naturally fearful and concerned when three armed and masked men appeared at the door, intent on robbery.  When the robbers failed to gain entry, people inside became puzzled.

  Customers had entered easily. The large notice said [SLIDE] so they simply slid the reinforced glass door to one side.   These guys tried pushing – then pulling.  Then they put their collective shoulders to the door.  

Soon they were ramming it.  Then they tried to prise it open with a jemmy.  The prominent instruction [SLIDE] either eluded them or else there wasn’t one amongst them could read it.  
By the time the police arrived to arrest them, the customers inside were rolling about with the laughter, watching the would-be robbers kicking and slashing about in frustration.

I reflected a moment on the bewilderment of under-employed staff that greeted the recent collapse of the ShopElectric chain. 
I had only ever used the Hill Street store to pay my power bills (they were too dear for anything else!) but I’d often wondered how a group that boasted its cutting-edge and state-of-the-art advantage could for years display a front-door sign advising the customer to PUSH when the door was hinged to open to a PULL.   
I wonder had they suffered compensation claims from injured customers who PUSHed and proceeded to walk into a closed door?  Did this contribute to their downfall?

Carpet Firm Set To Float – the headline blazed.  The week that’s in it, is that surprising?

Twelve Harvard University students will spend six weeks in Newry helping to plan the redevelopment of Newry’s Albert Basin. 
Would you like their conclusions in advance? 
Well, you’re getting them anyway!!
Make sure you OWN the site! (They don’t!  Much of it Housing Executive land for Travellers’ housing!).  Engage a LAWYER who doesn’t forget to process the paperwork!
Make CONTACT with your proposed partners in redevelopment schemes.  (They didn’t!). Ensure their aims coincide with your own; e.g. will GAA allow others to use their play facilities?  (They won’t!).
Loads o’ GRANTS urgently required (i.e. taxpayer must pay! So what’s new?). 
A judicious mix of public and private developments called for.  (Read: everyone’s future will be mortgaged to the greatest scam ever known – the great PPI (public-private initiative)).
Serious thought must be given to infrastructure capabilities (this is code for saying ‘the roads just ain’t there!’). 
That’ll be

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