‘Beware the demon drink!’ the minister roared from the pulpit.
‘It has brought ruin, immorality and disaster upon individuals and families alike. It is sinister too, creeping up on people: it may start with just one, but that leads to another.
When the victim awakes in a drunken stupor the next morning, he goes in search of ‘a hair of the dog that bit him’, meaning more drink!’
He was really interesting on the subject. Though he did go on a bit.
In fact, having completed his sermon and left the pulpit, he returned with a parting shot.
‘If I had my way,’ he enthused, ‘I’d collect all the alcoholic drink from every pub, club and licensed premises and dump it all in the nearest river!’
He seemed pleased with the facial reactions before him and so he continued.
‘Yes! And every hotel, off-licence premises and every private home too – that had a pile of this evil potion.
Every last bottle, barrel and can – I’d dump in the nearest river!’
He seemed finished at last.
‘Our final hymn, dear brethren, is number 47, and I do encourage everyone to join in.
It is called,
‘Shall We Gather By The River’.
I like Homer Simpson’s take on this subject. Raising his glass high, he proposed a toast. “To alcohol – the reason for – AND the solution to, all of life’s little problems!”