John McCullagh November 7, 2005
albertbasinfair.jpg

A talented panel of expert doctors and consultants met at Daisy Hill Hospital to consider the proposal to add a new wing to their hospital at some phenomenal expense. 

The debate that followed was heated.

(All three photos are of Albert Basin this week where the Fair was located).

The Allergists considered the whole scheme a wheeze and voted to scratch it. Meanwhile the Dermatologists advised against any such rash move.

The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Epidemiologists thought a collective hysteria had gripped the whole community. Neurologists offered the opinion that the administration had a lot of nerve, while the Obstetricians stated that they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists insisted the scheme would go through only, "Over our dead bodies!" The Pediatricians mocked and advise that they all, "Grow up!"

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.  The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no. The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness; the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of it and the Radiologists could see right through it!  Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow.

Plastic Surgeons, initially in favour then said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."  

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some as***le who frankly, just didn’t give a ****.


All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body’s systems and without me nothing would happen".

I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you’d all waste away."

"I should be in charge’, said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "because I’m responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

And so it is a truth, universally known, that the guy in charge is always an as***le!


Explain this …. if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson
.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908
.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939
.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters
.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln‘ made by ‘Ford
.’

Lincoln was shot in a theatre: his assassin hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse:his assassin hid in a theatre
.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials
.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in 

well … you know the rest!!

 

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