The poacher was stopped by the warden with two buckets of fish. He was asked for his fishing licence.
"You don’t understand," said the man. "These are my pets."
Naturally the warden was more than a little suspicious, but the man persisted.
"Every night I bring these fish to the lake and let them swim around. Then I whistle, they jump back in the bucket and we go home."
"Nonsense!" said the warden. "Fish can’t do that!"
"Yes, they can!" said the other. "Watch!" The man poured the creatures into the lake. After a few minutes the warden became impatient and said, "Well?"
"Sorry?" said the man.
"When are you going to call your fish back?"
The three PSNI recruits were facing their passing-out examination. The sergeant held up a photo of a mean-looking guy and then hid it.
"This is your suspect. Describe him."
The first recruit said, "He’s an ugly one-eyed bloke!"
"You only see one eye because the photo’s a profile", the officer explained patiently.
He showed the photo again to the second recruit and asks what course of action he might take.
"I’d put out an APB for one-eared, hard-looking guys".
"You heard me. It’s a profile. That’s why you see only one ear."
At this point the third recruit speaks up.
"The suspect wears contact lenses!"
"Brilliant! How did you deduce that?" crowed the sergeant.
"Easy. He can’t wear glasses because he’s only got one ear and one eye!"