The couple were waiting at the bus-stop in Edinburgh when a mugger demanded the wife’s purse. The husband said he would get it from the basket at her feet. Instead of the purse he straightened up holding the artificial leg which, with a skill born of years of practice, he swiftly and adroitly detached.
In local parlance, he brained the mugger with this improvised weapon. He was facing a charge of manslaughter. The judge wanted to know if he had any previous offences of a similar nature that he wanted taken into consideration.
‘Not at all,’ the defendant insisted. ‘Any time before, one overhead twirl would have been enough.
Even this time I only wanted to scare him off. I never intended to hit him that hard!’
Officer Stopper (yes, his real name) noticed there was something peculiar as he drove by. It was a moonlit night and the motorcycle was propped on the grass verge at an unusual angle. On closer examination he noticed that the prop was an artificial leg.
Venturing a little further, Officer Stopper encountered the owner in a nearby field. An ancient Lothario of 72 years, he was defying both nature and his disability, in flagrante delicto [I love the sound of that expression!] with a pretty young thing. Female, of course.
It can only be surmised that it was raw envy that motivated Stopper to bring charges!