Agony Aunt, — December 11, 2010 23:06 — 0 Comments

Dia Gnossis

Dear Agnes,

My doctor gave me a sealed letter to present to my hospital consultant. Curious both about his reading of my ailment and of his opinion of me, I opened it, read it and resealed it in a new envelope on which I typed the consultant’s name (this originally was hand-written). 



The letter revealed few of my symptoms and no apparent diagnosis, but went on about .. ‘this confident lady’ … ‘difficult case’  ‘requires a second opinion’ … ‘would benefit from your immediate and undivided attention’. 

We all know these medics talk in code. 

Could you enlighten me please as to my diagnosis and, more to the point, my GP’s opinion of me?

Ms Dai Gnossis

 

Dear Ms Dai

Surely Dai’s a male first name? 

Have you a personality problem? 

Clearly your doctor thinks so!

Had he described you as ‘This pleasant lady’ or even ‘This gentle soul’, he’d have been endorsing you personally and more to the point, requesting that the psychiatrist (let’s be honest, here! We’re talking mental illness, right?) take your case seriously.

As it is,

for ‘confident lady’ read ‘demanding bitch’ : 

for ‘difficult case’ read ‘hypochondriac’  or ‘raving lunatic’:

for ‘requires a second opinion’ read ‘do NOT ever be alone in the same room with her’:

for ‘undivided attention ..’ read ‘arm yourself with a truncheon for your own protection’.

Please do not be surprised if you find the Riot Squad in the corridor outside when you attend the Consultant’s Clinic.

Have you never heard that eavesdroppers (which is what you are) never learn anything good about themselves?

Get a grip!

Agnes Dayee

PS For therapeutic reasons, listen to this !


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