John McCullagh January 6, 2005
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Dear Agnes,
 
We all hope you are well and fully recovered from your recent ordeal at the hands of the Health Service
If so, perhaps you could explain why the town is overrun with foreigners of the rudest kind.  Also if these talks succeed, I understand we will all have to talk Ulster-Scots and join the Free Presbyterians.  Have you any information from the inside track?
 
Arsene Parsley
 
 

I’m sorry, I can’t type your name. I got religion from my recent experience.
 
My dear husband Santos – as you might guess by his name – is a Mexican (definitely no relation, despite the similarity of name, of the jolly fat bloke due to call soon. .  No!  I mean a real Mexican!  Not a rude ‘chocolates and beer’ shopper from South of the Border! 
 
He stood by me through thick and thin, unlike the ungrateful offspring Angela (and as for Dominos, we don’t even talk about him any more!).
 
So I don’t know who you mean by ‘foreigners’.  Is Santos one of them?  Do you refer to the Latvian/Lithuanian/Portuguese/French/Spanish etc. who now live in our neighbourhood? That is, the industrious, gracious, well-spoken people who have chosen to grace us with their presence?
 
In any deal, languages should be supported financially in proportion to the number of speakers here.  After English I guess comes Chinese and then the others above.  There may be no money left in the pot by the time we reach Irish and Ulster-Scots. 
 
As to your last question, it was one of them Free Presbyterians that got me off my trolley in Daisy Hill and finally into a bed.  And now I’m free. [I see you’re off your trolly now too!]
 
I’ll not have a word said against them!
 
Agnes Dayee

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