John McCullagh December 3, 2004
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Dear Agnes,
‘You see much more, from a four by four’,  the slogan goes.  How true! 
 
From my elevated seat in my SUV, I see the great beauty of our countryside over the tops of the hedges. 

But I also look down and see men in their saloon cars picking their noses when they think no one is watching:  I see litter being freely dispensed through the open windows of these little cars.  I see bad driving.  And I see jealousy towards those of us fortunate enough to drive these modern vehicles.

 
You’re a woman of the world, Agnes!  You know we choose SUVs not because they are a status symbol but because they are so versatile, safe, impregnable and… well… better! 

I say ‘we’ for I’m certain you too are a ‘People Carrier’ woman!

 
Why must others always be so jealous? 
 
Is there any answer?
 
Gladys Superior
 

 
Dear Gladys,
 
Are you that woman who spoke to her scrawny kid as she turned into the school car-park,
 
‘And now that we’re off-road, all I have to do is pull this lever and it becomes a 4-Wheel Drive?’?
 
The staff in that school are teaching the four-times tables differently now: 4 by 1 equals 4: 4 by 2 equals 8: 4 by 3 equals 12: 4 by 4 equals selfish, stuck-up, opinionated  b***hes!
 
My readership may wish to know that SUV stands for Sports Utility Vehicle.  No owner ever indulges in any sport, bar baiting other road-users.  The furthest off-road these vehicles ever venture is the M&S car park.  
 
Perhaps M&S is too ‘common’ for you?
 
How dare you imply that you have anything in common with me, you arrogant woman?! 
 
Should I ever be misfortunate enough to encounter you on the public highway in my humble carriage, I shall do my utmost to run you off-road, where you belong!!
 
Agnes Dayee
 
 

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