I am single, still in my mid-20s, dashingly handsome – though I say so myself – and I’m a highly successful professional man.
I have a good sense of humour and a full head of black, elegantly-styled hair (all my own! Ha ha!) and an excellent fashion sense.
Why on earth can it be that I find myself unable to locate a suitable young lady to settle down and share my life and my good fortune with?
The few I’ve met very quickly lose interest.
And really all I want is a long-term relationship with some attractive, intelligent, fun-loving, warm-hearted girl!
Where am I going wrong?
How can I say this without giving offence?
Have you ever thought of changing your name by deed-poll?
Your parents must have been particularly cruel to add insult to injury, giving you a first name like Ebenezer to addend to the surname Fartwell.
How many young ladies might relish the prospect of becoming Mrs Fartwell?
As to the rest, I have insufficient information to be going on.
Do you smell?
No! I mean, is there an unhealthy smell of you?
Are you as desperate in ladies’ company as you sound in your letter?
Do you ever think – or talk – about anything other than yourself?
Are you – ah-hemm! – well-endowed in the nether regions?
I accept your contention that you have a good sense of humour.
How else would you have survived this far with a name like yours?