John McCullagh December 14, 2004
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Dear Agnes,
 
I know you are a computer expert and perhaps the very person to help me.  I’ve had a lot of trouble with mine!
 
The man said I could fax with the machine so I held the paper up to the TV (or is that the monitor?) and hit ‘Send’ but it didn’t.  I can’t find the ‘ANY’ key that it keeps telling me to Press. 
 
Then it started to tell me I was ‘bad’ and an ‘invalid’.  Isn’t that just rude?
 
I tried printing but the machine said it couldn’t find the printer.  I turned the TV thing round to face the printer, but it still couldn’t find it.  I called the helpline but the fellow just wanted to know if I was operating under windows.  I told him the light was fine, I could see well what I was doing!  He told me to type ‘P’ to bring up the Programme Manager.  I told him I couldn’t find the ‘P’.
 
‘P on your keyboard’, he roared.  Now, I wasn’t going to do that!
 
Then my coffee-cup holder broke!  You know that drawer that keeps popping in and out.  Well, no sooner did I rest the full cup of coffee on it that didn’t it pop in again and spilled the hot liquid all through that big tower box.  I filled the bath-tub with soap and water to clean it all out.  But it did no good! 
 
Agnes, do you think he was taking the p*** outa me?
 
Yours truly,
 
Henry Pratt
 


 
Dear Henry,
 
Box it up and send it back. 
 
You’re too stupid to own a computer.
 
Agnes Dayee

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