John McCullagh March 8, 2007
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Dear Agnes

Don’t you agree with me that there is no more loathsome a sight than ….


… that of an older lady clinging tenaciously to the arm of an attractive older man (who, I might add, is not rightfully HERS!) while she basks in the shadow of his obvious attractions – perhaps indeed trying to feed off the latter by a process of osmosis?

I think you know the sad pair to whom I refer, for didn’t that demon have the brass neck to correspond earlier with you through the pages of the Newry Journal?

I have watched from afar as her mouth watered – I’ve seen her body visibly tremble as she gazed longingly into those dark deep blue pools of his eyes, pools in which I ought rightly to be bathing?

How, Agnes, can I win him back from that evil temptress?
 

Yours truly,

Marcella Chasseur

 


 

Dear Marcella,

Wake up, dear, and smell the coffee!

At the very least, open a window and let in some fresh air.

AND for heaven’s sake, put away that collection of Mills & Boone romances.

‘Dark, deep blue pools’ indeed. You’re pathetic!

Leave those two lovers alone!

Remember you’re only sixty once!

Let them enjoy themselves.

They have nothing to lose but their dignity!
 

Agnes

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