Be advised that by decree of H M Government at Westminster, from this date the Declaration of Independence of Her Majesty’s colonies in the New World is revoked.
This action is due to
- Our acceptance that HRH King George III was not compos mentis when he forsook his sovereignature over his subjects residing there
- The clear fact that, by continually electing to highest office of state, a long line of incompetents, his subjects have demonstrated an inability to cope with democratic rule
- Intelligence received from our colonial Ambassador of the continuing primitive state of cultural development there.
It is not unlikely that some few subjects may struggle to cope with this new status quo. We are immediately initiating a policy, to be known as ‘To Hell or Utah’, whereby such persons will be allocated ‘reservations’ in the area formerly known as The Badlands, soon to be retitled Evergreen Paradise. An intense programme (note the spelling!) of re-education will be provided. The Right Honourable (spelling!) Peter Mandelson will be recalled from Europe (no! it’s NOT a country, Mr Bush) to oversee this programme. He is forthwith appointed Pro-Consol to Cornwallis D.C. (formerly known as Washington D.C.)
A few other name changes have been initiated, with more to follow. The whole New World now bears the name of some greasy foreigner who sailed the South Seas. In tribute to our young hero, Ellen McArthur who single-handedly circumnavigated the globe in less than three days (something Amerigo Vespucchi never could have done!) the New World Colonies (and indeed the whole North Continent there) will henceforward be known as McArthurland. Be advised that this refers to her and certainly not to a certain Warmonger whose first name was Douglas!
Further regulations, declared by Order in Council at Westminster will soon be issued and posted here. You are ordered to keep in touch.
God Save The Queen!!