How To Wash Your Hands


Spotted in Hotel Toilet in Boston, Lincs, the following instructions:


Hand Washing The Correct Way


1 Turn on the tap to obtain hand-hot water

2 Wet the hands

3 Dispense soap onto hands and rub palms together to form lather

4 Rub the palm of one hand along the back of the other hand, sliding the fingers between each other

5 Rub fingertips on opposite palms in clawing motion

6 Rub thumbs in opposite closed palms

7 Rinse off lather

8 Dry hands thoroughly on paper towel

9 Turn off tap with used towel and discard


Some wit had scrawled a few additions


10 No, discard the towel, not the tap!

11 Please stop vandalising the cistern

12 Now you’ll just have to wash your hands all over again!


For some time the young couple, the only residents of the country road they had recently moved to, were perplexed with all the attention from strangers mooning in their garden in Conisborough, South Yorkshire.  They found too that taxi drivers were loathe to come to their address.  Service deliverymen too alleged that they were having their leg pulled when asked to deliver there.  So what was the problem?

Well, the estate agent, when selling the house had used only the house, and townland name.  it was only after they were there a little while that they found they were living in

Butt Hole Road.

I wonder if it was a cul-de-sac?

[French for ‘ar*e of the bag’ : did you know, too, that Tandragee (the village on the road to Portadown – home of Tayto crisps) means, ‘ar*se to the wind’?

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