Our administrator works in the field! Here’s a few choice recent responses!
but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player
and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on
my desk… sorry….
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me!
I’m not Bill Gates, damn it!
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I
try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: It’s easy!! Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
His printer is working fine."
Tech support: … and you say you’ve lost your word document on Soccer Rules.
Go to your Sports Section and search the folders there!
Customer: We’re only a one room office. We don’t have a Sports Section.
Or did you mean .. in today’s newspaper?
The British Home Affairs Minister explained New Labour’s policy.
‘We strive to deliver a holistic action plan that is evidence-based, action-orientated, takes an end-to-end approach and provides a sound basis for positive action and interaction!’
The journalist beside me seemed less than convinced. I asked for his interpretation.
‘When we’re not lying through our teeth,’ he translated helpfully,
‘We’re procrastinating for all we’re worth!’