Dear Agnes,

I have read your pages with sheer delight. You seem to be a very knowledgeable woman and now I need your kindly advice.

I am a long suffering mate; although my partner of eight years continues to show me undying love, she feeds and waters me regularly, she tells me when I have been good .. well ..ll ..ll ……ahhhh!!

..well, frankly, things have been going to the dogs recently. She whines and whinges continuously … she complains that my breath smells; that I have odours coming from my body, and so on … and just lately, it has all come to a head (if you get my meaning).

I am at her beck and call and never answer back, now I feel she is getting ready to dump me for another. Whatever will I do?

I show my love on a daily basis and we snuggle up together.  How bad can those odours be? Have we not all got body odours??

This can only get worse.  I couldn’t beat new competition as I’m slowing down with arthritis. Please help.

Lost and lonely

A Terrier

Dear, ah.. eh.. Terrier,


I do NOT at all ‘get your meaning’ !!!!

You show your love daily, doggie-fashion? Do I read you right? 

Can this have some other meaning that what I think?

Let me put it this way…

is this your missionary position?

You BOTH sound to me, like a thoroughly disgusting ‘kettle of fish’!! 

And, if you read this as a reference to body odours.. 

well, have it your own way!

Indeed, that’s what I fear you are already up to.

Let me confide in you my own experience. 

That blackguard out in the potting shed

.. where I have confined him for past transgressions ..

came crawling back last time with tales that he had finally be driven from his most recent harlot by – quote-  ‘the smell’. 

Your disgusting ‘woes’ have brought all this back to me.

Let me tell you this …..

You’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect sympathy here! 







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