John McCullagh

High Street Memories

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I was born in High Street many years ago
Opposite the convent where to school I used to go
My mother had a small shop that was open eight till late
When the neighbours bought their groceries
They could put them on the slate.
 
Fitzpatricks lived just up from us, theirs was a house of fun
Barney, Nellie, Conleth – and Bernie their only son
Patricia was my best friend, we played in the open air
With the Markeys and the Turleys who came up from the Square.
 
We didn’t have the fancy toys that children have today
A rope around the lamp-post gave us many hours of play
Or we called for Maureen Grogan who lived just up the street
And we visited her aunt Maggie’s house, that was indeed a treat.
 
For Maggie told us stories of many years ago
Of banshees and of fairies and of things we didn’t know
We tried not to believe her but we were always scared
So we all sat close together, it was best to be prepared.
 
And then we had Miss Ethel and for weeks she worked with us
Teaching us how to act and sing with the minimum of fuss
For we were from the Windmill and Top Talents we could win
And the Parochial Hall was packed each night when we got up to sing.
 
Oh the memories are many and the years just drop away
When I think back to my childhood and the games I used to play
And the neighbours that we lived beside who always helped each other
If someone was in trouble then nothing was a bother.
 
And now if I meet someone new they’ll very often say
‘Were you born in Newry, of did you come to stay?’
And I will always answer them, ‘Yes, Newry is my town
And I am very proud of that and the roots that I’ve put down’.
 
For I was born in High Street many years ago
And that’s the best street in the town I think you ought to know
And though we’re now a city with buildings new and tall
I’m glad to say that High Street has hardly changed at all.
 
Though the faces now are ageing and many are long since gone
That happy, friendly atmosphere is every bit as strong
As it was when I was growing up all those years ago
Opposite the Convent where to school I used to go.
 
 

Fews Glossary M ‘1’

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Dialect ‘M’ 1
 
Machine       any vehicle, or trap etc. ‘Nice machine you’ve got there’
Mad             angry
Made up       pleased, ‘she was made up by the present’
Maggoty-headed    foolish, difficult, obstinate
(Fit) Make    ‘she’s a fit make for him’, suitable companion
Make a move        move, try a stunt, ‘if you make a move, I’ll brain you’
Make           halfpenny
Make forth   pass on, ‘we must make forth to Wee Hughie’s’
Makings       materials, ‘the makings of a man’, ‘.. of a coat’
Make little    disparage, ‘He made little of it but in the end, he was the buyer’
Male            food, (meal) ‘Is he not in for his male yit?’
Mallyvogin    scolding
Maluder        thresh, beat, ‘Give him a good maludering’
Manifest       plain, ‘a manifest lie’
March ditch  boundary ditch
Mark            scratch, impress, ‘If my hands make an errand till yer face, they’ll mark it well for you’, ‘the wee mare can hardly mark the ground, she’s that lame’
Marksman    a person who signs his name by a mark
Marley         speckled, e.g. of hen; also of man’s greying hair
Mate            meat, meal, ‘he’s quare and good at his mate’
Measured     fell, ‘he measured his length on the road’
Melder         a large mixed dish of food
Mell              a wooden mallet for breaking lumps of earth
 

Fews Glossary L ‘3’

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Dialect ‘L’ 3 of 3
 
Loft             upstairs
 
Looby          big, careless, slothful
 
Loodther      to beat
Looks his bit          begs his food, ‘a poor man looking his bit’
Loony          lunatic
Longsome    slow, ‘he’s that longsome, the thing’s never done’
Loose          free, ‘When your father’s loose I’d like a word with him’
Loose-leg     an unattached person, ‘a bachelor has a loose-leg’
Looseness   diarrhoea
Loy              a spade
Lue              lukewarm, of friendship, courting or liquid drinks
Lump it        put up with it, ‘like it or lump it’
Lump           large, ‘great lump of a child’, ‘.. of a horse’, ‘.. of a house’, complimentary expressions
Lying            sick, ‘she’s lying these weeks’
Long-tongued        an indiscreet person
Loose-tongued      same, and a bawdy conversationalist
Lug              ear
 

Fews Glossary L ‘2’

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Dialect ‘L’ 2 of 3
 
Level going            easy-tempered, gentle
Lick                       a toady, to beat, a blow, ‘that’s but a lick and a promise’, careless washing; ‘lick thumbs on that’, make a pledge or promise
Lies near                is close; also of money in the bank, stands in good stead, ‘it lies by me till I need it’
Lift                        to pass the plate in church, stadium; n. the result of the former; misunderstand, ‘I did not lift you there’; steal, ‘he’d lift anything’; ‘when does the funeral lift?’, start; ‘I’ll give you a lift with my toe’, hard kick to raise you up; ‘a dead lift’, weight raised from ground level
Liggety                  long
Lights                    ‘roaring his lights out for nothing at all’
Like                       ‘like I don’t know what!’, comparison difficult
                             ‘what like is the calf?’, is it healthy?; ‘summer like’, hot; ‘winter-like’, cold
Likeness                photograph, ‘he had his likeness tuk’
Limber                   easily breakable
Lines                     Certificate of baptism, marriage, character
Linge                     chastise
Lip                         impertinence, ‘don’t give me your lip’; taste, ‘I haven’t lipped a drink all day’
Lint-hole                flax-hole
Load                      large quantity, ‘he had a full load last night’, got drunk
Load o’ coul’          a bad cold
Lock                      unspecified quantity, ‘a lock of potatoes’, ‘a lock of hens’
 

Fews Glossary: Mix

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Dialect ‘mix’
 
Raghery       red-coloured pony (or girl)
Pallions        flapping pieces of bandages or clothing

High-low      shoe/boot type, half-shoe, half-boot, with a very short top
Nyff-nyaffs   odds and ends, small ornaments
Jook-the-Beetle     little pieces in champ that were not mashed; by extension, a sly person who escapes just punishment
Dah-hoe      a bogey, curse, ‘the dah-hoe is in him’, a hereditary evil
Shire            to pour off and leave only sediment, or leave till sediment settles
Teemer        osier basket used to drain potatoes
Terrible well-lost     gone for ever, won’t be found
 
Expressions:
 
‘You’ve as much need of a woman as ducks need umberellas’
 
Foolish counting in the ‘twenties’
 
‘Wannery two ere ey Dickery Daisy
Hall a boe Crack, a bone fandolairy
Haze come paze
Come merry, come time
Hummily bummily
Twenty-nine!’
 
ED: I remember this one.  There were others.  Does anyone remember them?

Everybank goes Religious

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EveryBank Ltd
Hill Street
NEWRY
28 August 2004
 
Dear Valued Customer,
 
Further to our letter of 12 April earlier this year, we are delighted to inform you of an exciting new improvement to our services which will take effect immediately. 
 
Being sadly aware of the growing deficit of priests in Ireland, and the subsequent difficulty our customers are currently experiencing in having masses offered for the deceased, special intentions etc and other vital religious services such as confessions, baptisms and even marriages – and in recognition of the many under-employed Catholic clergymen in India and other missionary outposts – Everybank will now offer all these and MORE, across the telephone line!
 
Our fantastic new Call Centre recently opened in Bacca Beyon, The Keys, Dacca Peninsula, Punjab is now staffed at all times by at least one consecrated pastor who, for a small stipend, will offer prayers for special intentions. We cannot guarantee that he is of your denomination every time, but those things are less relevant than before, aren’t they?  You will continue to receive penance, though it will usually be awarded in monetary order debits from your Cashcard accounts. 
 
We anticipate no serious problems in the transfer process but would like to make the following observations, and perhaps appeal to your patience and understanding over what might be considered as early teething problems.  Please allow for a 20 second delay as your call is re-routed via satellite 26,000 miles above the Earth!   Have no fear, your pastor is near!
 

Fews Glossary: J

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Dialect ‘J’
 
Jag                 prick
Jamety          an old ejaculation
Jamety Katty         and others.. as above
Jap                 splash on clothes, ‘I’m all japed with mud’
Jig                  dance
Jigged           drunk
Jiggered       exhausted, ‘wrecked’
Join               var.  ‘I’m joined with John’, ‘The crowd joined and we had to run’, attacked
Jog                push
Joggle          to move from side to side
Jouk, duke   to stoop to hide, avoid a blow
Jubus           dubious, suspicious
Jundy            push, also ‘junty’
Juke              to stoop, avoid
 

Can you believe it?

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It hardly seems possible in this world-wise era, but some are still raised in a climate of seclusion and relative ignorance.
 
‘They’re a perfectly intelligent couple,’ the doctor at Luebeck in-vitro fertilisation clinic said, ‘so when they came to our clinic and said they wanted to have a baby, we put them through all the usual procedures.  They both proved to be perfectly fertile and it was only when we asked them how often they had sex and they expressed puzzlement and doubt that we began to suspect something was wrong. 
 
They were both brought up in a strict religious environment and knew nothing at all about the sexual process.  It became clear they had never had sexual intercourse or even knew that such a physical bonding was possible.  They thought that simply by lying side by side each night in their bedclothes, that something could happen. Of course it never did.
 
We returned their 15000 euro deposit and sent them to a sexual therapy course.’
 
 
It is not unknown in Ireland either, where we still have many country folk brought up in a strict religious environment.  That however was not the case with friends Harry Nolan and Paddy Quinn, and their respective brides.
 
Harry and Paddy were of an age, lifelong friends and old school mates.  Indeed they worked together in the same Civil Service office, shared hobbies and were even married around the same time.  There was one radical difference.  In the six years since their respective ceremonies, Paddy’s wife had got four times pregnant and rumour was that she was once again in the family way, while Harry and Imelda, though desperate to start a family had, as yet, no luck in that department.  A little shyly but in desperation – for indeed Harry thought the situation reflected poorly on his manhood – he approached his lifelong friend for advice and tips, if necessary.
 
‘No bother, me oul’ Segotia,’ says Paddy.  ‘I’d be glad to help!  Tell me, he says, does Imelda take a drink?’
 
‘She does indeed,’ says Harry.
 
‘A woman likes to feel special,’ says the worldly-wise one.  ‘Do you often take her home a special present?  A bunch of flowers?’
 
‘Well, no, other than birthdays and anniversaries.’
 
‘No good at all!  Now, here’s where ye start.  You book the most expensive restaurant in the town.  Then you book a limousine to take you both there and back.’
 
‘Sounds expensive,’ says Harry.
 
‘Now you’re getting the idea.  And don’t forget to get a dozen red roses delivered before you leave home.  You might start off the evening with a cocktail or two before you leave.’
Paddy was frowning - and sweating a little.

"After your sumptuous meal, you treat her to a few more cocktails.

"When eventually you return home in the limousine, you carry her across the threshold, lay her kindly and carefully on a couch: turn on her favourite soft music, playing low: offer her another drink.  Suggest she 'slip into something more comfortable' and retire to the bedroom."

"Saying it all happens like that, what do I do then?" says Paddy.

"At that point," says yer man, " You retire from the house altogether -- and send for me!"
 

Fews Glossary: K

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Kak              faeces
Keek            peep, look
Kemped       hurried, careless, ‘kemped work’
Keen            eager, ‘she’d be keen to throw her clothes with his’, she’d like a marriage with him;  ‘She’s keen on Mary’s John’, fancies; very, ‘keen tormented’
Keogh-boy   a smart or amusing young man
Kilt               greviously hurt, ‘he was as near kilt as if he were dead’
Kind             of religious persuasion, ‘he’s not our kind’ , he ‘digs with the wrong foot’
Kindling        dry wood
Kindness      a present, ‘he always brings a wee kindness with him’
Kink             an attack of coughing or laughing
Kennel         kindle, ‘kennel  the fire there, would you?’
Kimeens       tricks
Kitchen        relish, fit product for one’s kitchen, ‘butter to butter is no kitchen’; manage a house, ‘she could kitchen where Mary would only spend’
Kittery         awkward, left-handed, ‘kitter-pawed’, awkward physically, ‘kitter-fisted’, bad fighter, ‘kittery’, fool
Kittle            birth, ‘the cat has kittled’
Kitling           a young cat
Knackery     knavery, trickery
Knee-crooking       poor-spirited, as of a crowd
Knowing       small portion, ‘just a wee knowing. Don’t be filling it up’
                   cunning, ‘he’s too knowing’ ‘a right knowing wee man’
Knur            small